Now that we have a better understanding of our cast of zany characters and horror infused comedy, we realize that there is bound to be death in each episode of the first season. With the third episode being titled “Chainsaw” you can guarantee the deadly (and noisy) weapon will wreck some havoc, so let’s begin. The episode begins with Zayday and Grace discussing theories on Pete’s involvement in the murders while shopping for snacks at an empty mini-mart. (Remember their cook was killed, hence the hunger.) The two catch a glimpse at the costumed Red Devil and he charges towards Grace, causing her to use her pink taser gun (courtesy of Zayday’s wise grandmother) to take him down with a crotch shot, while Zayday pushed one of the racks on top of him. Removing the masks reveals it to be an oddball from Zayday’s class – so you can bet the random guy isn’t quite killer material. While the Kappa pledges deal with that, Chanel and minion number 5 discover (or don’t discover, is that more accurate?) the empty freezer that once contained the bodies of Ms. Bean and Chanel #2. Chanel tries to pinpoint the reasoning behind the missing characters, but Chanel #5 claims she’s over the serial killer concept, and is more inclined to hook-up with twin golf-frat boys. Chanel #5 leaves the Kappa president alone with the burden, and makes a point to display her disobedience.
Zayday and Grace begin to snoop for answers regarding Chanel no. 2’s whereabouts and search her room until a bloodstain appears (as a result of security guard Denise’s super sleuthing) who also points out the former Chanel’s tweet about being killed. When Denise is the voice of reason, you know they are all equally in danger… Despite their attempt to shake their fears, Denise reminds them that a killer is striking and she is most obviously dead, especially after Grace shows a picture of Chanel no. 2’s body positioned by a pool. I. Can’t. Even. Grace and Zayday assume she must have returned home and both agree to visit her family home to make sure. Maybe someone should have listened to Denise?! A “Take Back the Night” walk in honor of Boone takes place, and Chanel uses the opportunity to get back in Chad’s good graces, but he claims the pledges he labels ugly make it impossible to reconcile. “Pray. Pray that all those donkey faced Kappa pledges will be murdered so you can be popular again.” Chad offers as his only hope for Chanel. Also participating in the walk is Chanel no. 3 and predatory lez who take a minute to talk, with Chanel saying she has a “Samanth Ronson thing going on.” but makes it known she has no interest in another female encounter. Dean Munsch holds a meeting during the activity and calls the killings purely coincidental or even suicide (the obliviousness is so real.) She also brings a new mascot, Coney the ice cream cone, who meets not-so-positive reception form the students (A local was said to have created the first soft serve ice cream.) “Let’s tell each other how we feel about each other. Find that tortured gay kid in your life, hold them close tonight…and uh, how about a big ‘go cones!’”
Eventually Grace, Zayday, and Denise make their way to Chanel #2’s rich family home to tell them about their missing daughter (and hooray for seeing Buffy/Angel alum Charisma Carpenter!) They say that their daughter has struggled with an alcohol addiction, and they thought her relationship with Chad kept her on track. (Yes, now even Chanel #2 has had fling with the golf frat president.) Her dad finally says, “You have to find her, and make sure that she never comes home again.” You can definitely feel the warm fuzzy feelings radiating from her family… When they return to school, Grace realizes her father has become a professor with the hopes of watching out for her, but his smothering sense of protection results in her leaving the class, just in time to miss his favorite film and first assignment, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Gigi approaches him after his post-movie lecture and dotes on just about every facet of him she can. She proceeds to enlist his help with a neighborhood watch-esque program, and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Dean Munsch. We next are properly introduced to Aaron Cohen, the new ice cream cone mascot (well…we don’t exactly see his face, but that’s not too important.) His monologue expresses his new appreciation for life as a mascot feeling recognized and above the law, while he takes money and gropes women, received with laughter from his permanent smile and goofy outfit. Unfortunately for Coney (and us) his role as a mascot is cut short when the Red Devil strikes (and struggles) to kill the newest addition to the world of Scream Queens. RIP Coney, we hardly new you.
The Kappa-obsessed pledge Hester sneaks into Chanel’s excessive and extravagant closet, overwhelmed by all the pricey and glowing couture. Hester shares that she has always hoped to be a “fashion girl” and Chanel seizes the opportunity to change her image and hopefully reclaim Chad Radwell and her fleeting popularity. Gigi and Munsch meet on the tennis court (per Munsch’s request) and she notes her gratitude that the girls have seemingly bonded over being pursued by a homicidal lunatic, and to keep up the sisterhood – she says they will both be residing in Kappa house for the remainder of the week. Munsch also threatens Gigi to steer clear of Wes, claiming him as her man before he even knows it. Chanel #3 finds Sam (predatory lez/ Samantha Ronson) and proposes they become best friends and soulmates so she can share a secret. Chanel #3 reveals that she is an heir of Swenson (a “poor version” of Swanson frozen meals.) Though it isn’t her secret, she eventually gets to the part that also discloses her mother slept with Charles Manson and she’s the lovechild of their random jail conjugal visits. #3 says that she needs “Sam” to provide an alibi because everybody could assume she’s the killer if the discover the bloodline relation to the famous cult leader.
As the girls begin to gather in the living room, Grace asks Chanel #5 if she knew about #2 dating Chad, and she admits to have had a date as well – but only for sex and witnessing him playing with a collection of knives. #3 also admits to dating him last year, and they claim that Chanel’s feelings don’t matter. You definitely know ranks will be tested fairly soon! Chanel makes her grand entrance with a newly altered Hester and dubs her as Chanel #6. She strolls down the stairs with an awkward stance, full on glitz, and bulgy eyes showing that Hester can’t be completely changed. #5 has the strongest opinion, furious that a pledge could so easily become a Chanel, and the OG notes that with all of them dying she could use a few more minions – fair enough. Grace notices the now removed neck brace and Hester effortlessly states, “my muscles have atrophied and the pain from not wearing my brace has me on the verge of passing out but I’ve never been happier in my whole life!” Hester continues to win my heart! Before a hazing ritual known as “cocaine or dildo” can begin, Munsch and Gigi arrive to share the news of their partial residency.
Boone holds a Dollar Scholars Fraternity meeting and says that despite Boone’s rumored suicide (and it takes a while for the others to understand what that means) he rallies the fraternity brothers to take to the streets on steroids, booze, and armed with baseball bats hoping to have some kind of gang/turf war with the masked killer. Good luck gentlemen… Grace finds Pete to repair their new friendship/potential relationship, they speculate that Chad could potentially be the killer and the baby of the dead pledge from 20 years ago. Pete also finds evidence of a girl who could be connected, dropping out two semesters shy of graduation and they agree to locate her together for answers. Chad leads the fraternity in their backstreet boys rage, and the killer shows up like they had hoped – but with a partner, and both wielding a chainsaw. The killers disarm them by chopping down their wooden bats, and one unlucky brother hopes to save Chad but has both arms severed in the process. The killer leaves the confused, bloody, armless, and dying frat guy in the street next to an unconscious Chad and walks away taking the win with a grain of salt.
Zayday is walking home in the middle of the night, and Denise pulls over to offer her a ride. When Zayday gets in the car, Denise handcuffs her and says that she is positive the pledge must be a killer. Her evidence seems to be fleeting, but the main exhibit being the fact that Zayday has a chainsaw under her bed; yeah that’s a little incriminating. Zayday explains that her over-protective grandmother sent it after their tasers were removed – and if a chainsaw doesn’t ward off a killer, what will? Munsch interrupts the date between Wes and Gigi to block any further romantic connection, while Zayday practices her reaction speed of arming herself with the chainsaw under her bed. When her father realizes she isn’t with Zayday or in the house, he calls Grace to check in and she promises she’s at the library to cover her investigation with Pete.
With the evening coming to an end, dean Munsch scares Gigi out of the room with her white noise machine that only plays things such as horror movie music, screaming animals, and a plane crashes, (very soothing if you’re the devil!) and Gigi relocates to the couch downstairs. Just as she gets comfortable, the killer revs up his chainsaw and goes on the attack – with Gigi beginning to fight back. Wes arrives to the scene to help, and is only injured before he continues to pursue Gigi. She manages a kung-fu kick with all her momentum that sends the killer flying, and before anyone can figure out what was happening, the Red Devil disappears into then night. Munsch stumbles down the stairs moments later, and the two assume that Munsch must be behind the mask, as the sirens of police officers approach in the distance.
Overall Grade: A
Aedan’s Final Thoughts:
-3 episodes in and I’m continuously pleased by the effort that goes into this series on a comedic scale
-Gigi had some major shining moments, and I was actually very pleased to see her fend of the deadly Red Devil!
-The addition of Chanel #6 is the Chanel we didn’t realize we so desperately needed. Queen Hester!
-This episode made me more attached to the Dollar Scholars fraternity, and impressed by Chad’s courage (and sometimes stupidity!)
-Zayday perfectly mixes the nice girl traits with the sass of a spectacular scream queen, I’m hoping she can outwit the killer in the weeks to come!